J
e
s
u
s
what a Beautiful Name.
what a Beautiful Name.
Son of God, Son of Man
Lamb that was slain
caron xu jiahui
bethesda bedok-tampines church; Youth Church
gongshang.ahs.vjc
NUS Nursing
Lamb that was slain
i love the king and he loves me.
-
caron xu jiahui
bethesda bedok-tampines church; Youth Church
gongshang.ahs.vjc
NUS Nursing
"For i have plans for you,"
declares the Lord,
"plans to prosper you
and not to harm you,
plans to give you a hope and a future."
-Jeremiah 28
joy and peace, strength and hope
grace that blows all fear away.
Gummy bears in a box.
also at the art exhibition along the Esplanade walkway.
You add colour to my life.
a night of overnight studying at Changi Airport Starbuckssss.
clearly. we were bored and decided to entertain oursleves for awhile.
i thank God for you adora cheong.
haha addddddd.
let'e have more days like these. but i must study more and be less distracted.
and stop laughin at funny english.
i shan't be mean.
=d
and how do i put into words that corss my mind at hours like that?
save me Lord, for i am but fallen.
and saved only by Your grace.
a day with the beloved. and figments of childhood.
pictures cut out from Enid Blyton's books and put together.
they were all along the walkway towards the Esplanade.
it felt really whimsical for a moment, and i really enojoyed walking down and just admiring the pictures. perhaps, it was a window back to my past and how carefree those days were.
i used to colour those pictures.
(:
i thank you for being the God who loves little children.
and for loving me then.
and now.
musings in the late night never do good if ure in front of the com.
and again,
i fall at your feet.
in reverent awe and just totally feeling so wretched bout this being i am.
because You are so holy.
and i am so sinful.
doing the things i say i don't want to do.
i can nevr uds.
and i am an hour late for bed.
goodnight.
thank You Lord for always being here.
we can run away from here.
We rely on Your grace.
Adonai, crowned in praise
Lord Most High
Jesus Christ
i thank You,
for everything that You've done, and are going to do.
my life doesn't get easier,
but it's going to get harder.
and i will not quit.
i will press on.
push harder.
onward. onward.
pharmaco is disappointing, yet again.
):
but,
i shan't give up.
exams start next saturday.
i'm scared. i am.
but i will trust in You.
and i know You hold me in Your hands.
so i will be brave.
"you're not suited to ride.
you need a certain kind of character."
please.
you don't even know me.
you're hardly around.
don't say you know who i am or know my character.
because you don't.
i had enough of you judging me.
or saying and commenting about what i do.
keep quiet.
your voice grates my nerves.
sighs.
and how is it that i still am marvelled too,
of how you can sound on my ipod.
i feel like i'm tearing apart.
i can no longer keep track of time.
just losing my days rapidly.
and there just seems to be an endless stream of things to do.
and no one really stops and bothers.
its just the same routine again and again.
"do this."
"do that."
no comments.
no pauses.
i thought i had just escaped that moment for awhile.
conquered those thoughts that threatened my eyes.
but no,
they are back.
a horrible C.
a big fat one.
why can't i seem to improve?
why isn't anything working.
i'm almost up to my brim.
the sound of the tv infuriates.
shutup.
i cannot stand being in the same place as you.
you disappoint me so much.
and how can i love you so much still.
what is Love then, without trying moments?
but you are on the other side.
somewhere far between.
and i feel i'm not talkin sense anymore.
but filled up with all these rubbish.
get out.
get out.
i don't want to be here.
Lord help me.
Oh, to see the dawn
Of the darkest day:
Christ on the road to Calvary.
Tried by sinful men,
Torn and beaten, then
Nailed to a cross of wood.
Chorus:
This, the power of the cross:
Christ became sin for us
Took the blame, bore the wrath—
We stand forgiven at the cross.
Oh, to see the pain
Written on Your face,
Bearing the awesome weight of sin.
Every bitter thought,
Every evil deed
Crowning Your bloodstained brow.
Now the daylight flees
Now the ground beneath
Quakes as its Maker bows His head.
Curtain torn in two,
Dead are raised to life;
"Finished!" the victory cry.
Oh, to see my name
Written in the wounds,
For through Your suffering I am free.
Death is crushed to death
Life is mine to live,
Won through Your selfless love.
This, the power of the cross:
Son of God—slain for us
What a love! What a cost!
We stand forgiven at the cross
--
i find myself getting lost again and again.
distracted by the list of things to do.
getting anxious over need-not things.
being fuzzled up with everything i have to do.
and i forget who You are.
and what i mean to You.
and i chase after worthless things.
if ever i was lost
You said that all You feel for me
is undying love
that You showed me through the cross
and i stand amazed once again.
i dare not say,
I love You
if i am unable to live my life for you wholeheartedly.
if i am not able to die to this wretched self.
but what am i without you?
oh nothing.
but dust.
and worthless crap.
so i look to you.
and softly whisper these precious words,
because i can't help fallin in love with you again.
but oh!
help me to love you more and more.
even the ability to love you comes from you.
what heights of love
what depths of peace
when fears are stilled
when strivings cease
my comforter
my all in all
here in the death of Christ
i live.
i'm really blown away.
stars falling down
and i fall for you.
why do i do what i hate to do?
suffering from somlenence.
speak to me Lord.
really tired.
Speak O Lord
Teach us Lord full obedience
Holy reverence, true humility
test our thoughts and our attitudes
in the radiance of your purity
and by grace we'll stand on Your promises
and by faith we'll walk as You with us
something i think is quite funny.
but yes. God's word is so so impt.
not the best vid ever, but the hymn is so wonderful.
build the church with the most holy truth
waiting for Jesus with vigilance and awareness.
keep me close to You.
Living for Jesus, a life that is true,
Striving to please Him in all that I do;
Yielding allegiance, glad hearted and free,
This is the pathway of blessing for me.
Living for Jesus Who died in my place,
Bearing on Calvary my sin and disgrace;
Such love constrains me to answer His call,
Follow His leading and give Him my all.
REFRAIN
O Jesus, Lord and Savior, I give myself to Thee,
For Thou, in Thy atonement, didst give Thyself for me.
I own no other Master, my heart shall be Thy throne.
My life I give, henceforth to live, O Christ, for Thee alone.
Living for Jesus, wherever I am,
Doing each duty in His holy Name;
Willing to suffer affliction and loss,
Deeming each trial a part of my cross.
Living for Jesus through earth’s little while,
My dearest treasure, the light of His smile;
Seeking the lost ones He died to redeem,
Bringing the weary to find rest in Him.
really.
i am depraved and wretched.
and your amazing grace is just so amazing.
help me to live life worthy of your calling.
haha.
i just watched Spirit, stallion of the Cimarron.
okay.
time to sleep.
i wish i could be this and more of this.
dreams.
what's in a dream?
it can't seem to be caught,
and what's the whole point in it?
everything seems futile for now.
wasted dreams.days and nights.
only You make sense right now.
everything else doesn't.
but even then, i can't seem to get to you.
silence.
what does it mean.
what does it entail?
its painful,
but maybe less easy to not talk or speak to you.
yet, i have to face you every day.
just close by,
but miles apart.
i don't know how else.
i don't know what else.
the world just seems to move on.
and everyday,
we seem to drift apart.
in ideas, feelings, and everything else.
you seem to impose your judgement, or rules on me,
but yet know little about what's going on in my life.
what understanding is there?
and i hear all of you,
who quote, and claim, and talk.
and yet fail to care.
or maybe i'm just being ridiculous.
i probably think i am.
feeling totally irrational.
don't bother about me.
i want to leave this place.
run away.
argh.
i look up with blurry eyes,
wishing to see you there.
and i think to myself.
what a wonderful world.
Jesus Jesus how i trust you
how i've proved you o'er and o'er
Jesus Jesus precious Jesus
come pull me through
please take from me my life
when i don't have the strength
to give it away to You.
feel like watching it.
this is so sweet
watch the part 2 too.
ok. i've said enough.
good night.
i never knew it would be so difficult.
did it require so much?
i lay it all down.
i do.
i try my very best.
it's so hard.
and i fight against it.
my very soul. self. pride.
ugly beast that raises its head.
all my dreams. hopes. wishes.
i do try.
it took me only to realise today.
almost half the meaning of the word: obedience.
i fight tears.
i fight words.
that try to tear me down from within.
maybe it isn't such a big deal afterall.
but it matters to me.
why won't anyone understand?
what i dream of doing,
of becoming?
but then again.
the Self doesn't get any part.
should not get any part.
die.
die.
die to self.
i need to fight a winning battle.
despite all the knowledge you know,
but have not loved.
have not obeyed.
what's the point?
and again, that feeling of estrangement comes.
when im just a weird being.
whip.
kill.
murder.
bury!
strangle.
fight.
slay!
words i can't express enough for the battles within me.
i can only take comfort in the fact that You are moulding,
shaping,
breaking.
and oh,
it hurts.
ever so much than before.
and then i remember,
i am to be pure and holy before you
in body and spirit and soul.
nothing else.
nothing more.
but the barest of all.
depraved man that i am.
distrust even yourself.
trust no one but the Father,Son, and Holy Spirit.
if man says, Great is the Lord,
let him show forth.
and not let others be stumbled by whatever that he says!
actions! actions!
make haste!
the endless runnings going on in my head!
of all i've seen,
heard, watched, read.
Man is totally depraved!
Save but the grace and mercy of God!
and my soul cries out to you,
save me Living God!
it is all meaningless.
vanity!
even the ones whom u call brothers and sisters,
cannot be trusted!
where do you put your hope?
only in Christ Jesus our Lord!
who fails not!
who changest not!
dreamings.
hopes.
wishes.
i lay them down.
as hard as it seems.
i cannot fight it.
i cannot.
and i can only cry to You,
and beg you for mercy and forgiveness.
what a fool i am!
save me Lord,
save me.
thousand things to do.
i feel like this.
could you help me clear this mess within my head.
and give me some rest.
thank You for bringing me through another week.
only Your grace and mercy.
sighs.
did so badly for assessment.
did all the possible wrong things i could ever do.
why?
):
but it's all over.
i just hope they pass me.
and there's another one next week.
it's never-ending is it?
God.
only You can help me.
i'm going to escape for awhile.
thank You for being here.
i need You to cleanse me and purify me.
draw me close
closer than before.
closer than i've ever been.
into Your arms
i'm drawing near again
to dwell with You
it's my only heart's desire.
all i can do
is fall on my knees and cry
cleanse me with fire
purify my heart
i need You more than i've ever needed.
this race never stops.
wrap me in Your arms
you keep me sane.
you keep me alive.
i have tasted my own.
and i fall short of everything.
and the blurry lines keep me from walking straight.
oh.
a disease of the heart that consumes and devours.
what laughter sound may bring
or the smiles that show on the face
all boils down and dissipates.
why do i find myself wondering again about the things i should have discarded long ago?
and digging up deep within to find all that dissatifies.
oh bother.
the final crunch.
and then a few more.
i believe You are Mighty to save.
grace that blows all fear away.
Friday, November 13, 2009
Gummy bears in a box.
also at the art exhibition along the Esplanade walkway.
You add colour to my life.
Labels: i love the colours.
a night of overnight studying at Changi Airport Starbuckssss.
clearly. we were bored and decided to entertain oursleves for awhile.
i thank God for you adora cheong.
haha addddddd.
let'e have more days like these. but i must study more and be less distracted.
and stop laughin at funny english.
i shan't be mean.
=d
and how do i put into words that corss my mind at hours like that?
save me Lord, for i am but fallen.
and saved only by Your grace.
Labels: i fly away from here in my mind
a day with the beloved. and figments of childhood.
pictures cut out from Enid Blyton's books and put together.
they were all along the walkway towards the Esplanade.
it felt really whimsical for a moment, and i really enojoyed walking down and just admiring the pictures. perhaps, it was a window back to my past and how carefree those days were.
i used to colour those pictures.
(:
i thank you for being the God who loves little children.
and for loving me then.
and now.
Labels: whimsical dreams and stories.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
musings in the late night never do good if ure in front of the com.
and again,
i fall at your feet.
in reverent awe and just totally feeling so wretched bout this being i am.
because You are so holy.
and i am so sinful.
doing the things i say i don't want to do.
i can nevr uds.
and i am an hour late for bed.
goodnight.
thank You Lord for always being here.
we can run away from here.
Labels: only You Jesus
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
We rely on Your grace.
Adonai, crowned in praise
Lord Most High
Jesus Christ
i thank You,
for everything that You've done, and are going to do.
my life doesn't get easier,
but it's going to get harder.
and i will not quit.
i will press on.
push harder.
onward. onward.
pharmaco is disappointing, yet again.
):
but,
i shan't give up.
exams start next saturday.
i'm scared. i am.
but i will trust in You.
and i know You hold me in Your hands.
so i will be brave.
Labels: because of You.
Saturday, November 07, 2009
"you're not suited to ride.
you need a certain kind of character."
please.
you don't even know me.
you're hardly around.
don't say you know who i am or know my character.
because you don't.
i had enough of you judging me.
or saying and commenting about what i do.
keep quiet.
your voice grates my nerves.
sighs.
and how is it that i still am marvelled too,
of how you can sound on my ipod.
i feel like i'm tearing apart.
i can no longer keep track of time.
just losing my days rapidly.
and there just seems to be an endless stream of things to do.
and no one really stops and bothers.
its just the same routine again and again.
"do this."
"do that."
no comments.
no pauses.
i thought i had just escaped that moment for awhile.
conquered those thoughts that threatened my eyes.
but no,
they are back.
a horrible C.
a big fat one.
why can't i seem to improve?
why isn't anything working.
i'm almost up to my brim.
the sound of the tv infuriates.
shutup.
i cannot stand being in the same place as you.
you disappoint me so much.
and how can i love you so much still.
what is Love then, without trying moments?
but you are on the other side.
somewhere far between.
and i feel i'm not talkin sense anymore.
but filled up with all these rubbish.
get out.
get out.
i don't want to be here.
Lord help me.
Labels: desperate.
Thursday, November 05, 2009
Oh, to see the dawn
Of the darkest day:
Christ on the road to Calvary.
Tried by sinful men,
Torn and beaten, then
Nailed to a cross of wood.
Chorus:
This, the power of the cross:
Christ became sin for us
Took the blame, bore the wrath—
We stand forgiven at the cross.
Oh, to see the pain
Written on Your face,
Bearing the awesome weight of sin.
Every bitter thought,
Every evil deed
Crowning Your bloodstained brow.
Now the daylight flees
Now the ground beneath
Quakes as its Maker bows His head.
Curtain torn in two,
Dead are raised to life;
"Finished!" the victory cry.
Oh, to see my name
Written in the wounds,
For through Your suffering I am free.
Death is crushed to death
Life is mine to live,
Won through Your selfless love.
This, the power of the cross:
Son of God—slain for us
What a love! What a cost!
We stand forgiven at the cross
--
i find myself getting lost again and again.
distracted by the list of things to do.
getting anxious over need-not things.
being fuzzled up with everything i have to do.
and i forget who You are.
and what i mean to You.
and i chase after worthless things.
if ever i was lost
You said that all You feel for me
is undying love
that You showed me through the cross
and i stand amazed once again.
i dare not say,
I love You
if i am unable to live my life for you wholeheartedly.
if i am not able to die to this wretched self.
but what am i without you?
oh nothing.
but dust.
and worthless crap.
so i look to you.
and softly whisper these precious words,
because i can't help fallin in love with you again.
but oh!
help me to love you more and more.
even the ability to love you comes from you.
what heights of love
what depths of peace
when fears are stilled
when strivings cease
my comforter
my all in all
here in the death of Christ
i live.
i'm really blown away.
Labels: i fall down on my face.
Wednesday, November 04, 2009
stars falling down
and i fall for you.
why do i do what i hate to do?
suffering from somlenence.
speak to me Lord.
really tired.
Labels: haste.
Monday, November 02, 2009
Speak O Lord
Teach us Lord full obedience
Holy reverence, true humility
test our thoughts and our attitudes
in the radiance of your purity
and by grace we'll stand on Your promises
and by faith we'll walk as You with us
something i think is quite funny.
but yes. God's word is so so impt.
not the best vid ever, but the hymn is so wonderful.
build the church with the most holy truth
waiting for Jesus with vigilance and awareness.
keep me close to You.
Living for Jesus, a life that is true,
Striving to please Him in all that I do;
Yielding allegiance, glad hearted and free,
This is the pathway of blessing for me.
Living for Jesus Who died in my place,
Bearing on Calvary my sin and disgrace;
Such love constrains me to answer His call,
Follow His leading and give Him my all.
REFRAIN
O Jesus, Lord and Savior, I give myself to Thee,
For Thou, in Thy atonement, didst give Thyself for me.
I own no other Master, my heart shall be Thy throne.
My life I give, henceforth to live, O Christ, for Thee alone.
Living for Jesus, wherever I am,
Doing each duty in His holy Name;
Willing to suffer affliction and loss,
Deeming each trial a part of my cross.
Living for Jesus through earth’s little while,
My dearest treasure, the light of His smile;
Seeking the lost ones He died to redeem,
Bringing the weary to find rest in Him.
really.
i am depraved and wretched.
and your amazing grace is just so amazing.
help me to live life worthy of your calling.
Labels: test my thoughts.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
haha.
i just watched Spirit, stallion of the Cimarron.
okay.
time to sleep.
i wish i could be this and more of this.
dreams.
what's in a dream?
it can't seem to be caught,
and what's the whole point in it?
everything seems futile for now.
wasted dreams.days and nights.
only You make sense right now.
everything else doesn't.
but even then, i can't seem to get to you.
silence.
what does it mean.
what does it entail?
its painful,
but maybe less easy to not talk or speak to you.
yet, i have to face you every day.
just close by,
but miles apart.
i don't know how else.
i don't know what else.
the world just seems to move on.
and everyday,
we seem to drift apart.
in ideas, feelings, and everything else.
you seem to impose your judgement, or rules on me,
but yet know little about what's going on in my life.
what understanding is there?
and i hear all of you,
who quote, and claim, and talk.
and yet fail to care.
or maybe i'm just being ridiculous.
i probably think i am.
feeling totally irrational.
don't bother about me.
i want to leave this place.
run away.
argh.
i look up with blurry eyes,
wishing to see you there.
and i think to myself.
what a wonderful world.
Jesus Jesus how i trust you
how i've proved you o'er and o'er
Jesus Jesus precious Jesus
come pull me through
please take from me my life
when i don't have the strength
to give it away to You.
feel like watching it.
this is so sweet
watch the part 2 too.
ok. i've said enough.
good night.
Labels: come by here
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
i never knew it would be so difficult.
did it require so much?
i lay it all down.
i do.
i try my very best.
it's so hard.
and i fight against it.
my very soul. self. pride.
ugly beast that raises its head.
all my dreams. hopes. wishes.
i do try.
it took me only to realise today.
almost half the meaning of the word: obedience.
i fight tears.
i fight words.
that try to tear me down from within.
maybe it isn't such a big deal afterall.
but it matters to me.
why won't anyone understand?
what i dream of doing,
of becoming?
but then again.
the Self doesn't get any part.
should not get any part.
die.
die.
die to self.
i need to fight a winning battle.
despite all the knowledge you know,
but have not loved.
have not obeyed.
what's the point?
and again, that feeling of estrangement comes.
when im just a weird being.
whip.
kill.
murder.
bury!
strangle.
fight.
slay!
words i can't express enough for the battles within me.
i can only take comfort in the fact that You are moulding,
shaping,
breaking.
and oh,
it hurts.
ever so much than before.
and then i remember,
i am to be pure and holy before you
in body and spirit and soul.
nothing else.
nothing more.
but the barest of all.
depraved man that i am.
distrust even yourself.
trust no one but the Father,Son, and Holy Spirit.
if man says, Great is the Lord,
let him show forth.
and not let others be stumbled by whatever that he says!
actions! actions!
make haste!
the endless runnings going on in my head!
of all i've seen,
heard, watched, read.
Man is totally depraved!
Save but the grace and mercy of God!
and my soul cries out to you,
save me Living God!
it is all meaningless.
vanity!
even the ones whom u call brothers and sisters,
cannot be trusted!
where do you put your hope?
only in Christ Jesus our Lord!
who fails not!
who changest not!
dreamings.
hopes.
wishes.
i lay them down.
as hard as it seems.
i cannot fight it.
i cannot.
and i can only cry to You,
and beg you for mercy and forgiveness.
what a fool i am!
save me Lord,
save me.
Labels: God keeps me sane
Saturday, October 24, 2009
thousand things to do.
i feel like this.
could you help me clear this mess within my head.
and give me some rest.
thank You for bringing me through another week.
only Your grace and mercy.
sighs.
did so badly for assessment.
did all the possible wrong things i could ever do.
why?
):
but it's all over.
i just hope they pass me.
and there's another one next week.
it's never-ending is it?
God.
only You can help me.
i'm going to escape for awhile.
Labels: i praise you for every day still.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
thank You for being here.
i need You to cleanse me and purify me.
draw me close
closer than before.
closer than i've ever been.
into Your arms
i'm drawing near again
to dwell with You
it's my only heart's desire.
all i can do
is fall on my knees and cry
cleanse me with fire
purify my heart
i need You more than i've ever needed.
this race never stops.
wrap me in Your arms
Labels: take me to that secret place.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
you keep me sane.
you keep me alive.
i have tasted my own.
and i fall short of everything.
and the blurry lines keep me from walking straight.
oh.
a disease of the heart that consumes and devours.
what laughter sound may bring
or the smiles that show on the face
all boils down and dissipates.
why do i find myself wondering again about the things i should have discarded long ago?
and digging up deep within to find all that dissatifies.
oh bother.
the final crunch.
and then a few more.
i believe You are Mighty to save.
Labels: bits and pieces all over.
Rescued my soul, my Stronghold
lifts me from shame
yak.
lifts me from shame
shout it out (:
-
yak.
Forgiveness, security, power and love
grace that blows all fear away
blogger skins friendster hoops and yoyo getty
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designer DancingSheep
grace that blows all fear away
all the brothers and sisters
-
blogger skins friendster hoops and yoyo getty
Nursing blog aaron bryan char's shop claudia daniel danitza debbie debkoh elizaBIRD esmond huey's photoblog huiyuan gabriel ong jade jared jingmin jolie jonkk jonT ian lynn liting joy melody michelle philDA rachel serminn sindhu stef sue ean timmo ting wanxin wieky xin en
of old.
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February 2004
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credits.
-
designer DancingSheep
He is the soon and coming King.
lover of my soul.
God's HEHES
best buddies
you could ever have.
my brother and estherr(:
darling jimson.
dearest children.
when we were so young.
lover of my soul.
wonderful people
-
God's HEHES
best buddies
you could ever have.
my brother and estherr(:
darling jimson.
dearest children.
when we were so young.
